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My Journey With God

My Life has been quite the journey. In my youth, I turned my back on God. I felt weak even though my body was strong, and I started looking for strength in all the wrong places. I dated a girl who was into witchcraft. That is a false, evil power, one you don’t want to be a part of. I involved myself with the dark side and paid the price.
In my 20’s I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. It was very alarming. I was at work when I went full on psychotic. I saw humanoid, shadowy creatures crawling on the ceiling of the store I worked at. They were watching me.
As far back as junior high I heard voices. I believed that they were good and bad like the angels and demons on the shoulders of many cartoon characters. Life was scary and confusing, and I was constantly bombarded with voices. My hallucinations made it so I lived in my own personal horror movie.
I talked to a friend I worked with about maybe seeing a psychiatrist. His girlfriend was going to school to become one. He talked to her, and I was referred to one of her friends. While at one of the appointments, the main voice took over. It was like I was in the back seat of my own mind helplessly watching as this… thing took control.
The psychologist stayed calm, and once I regained control of myself, she asked if I would be willing to go to the hospital to get some pills, and in my desperation, I replied “yes, I can do that.” I headed to the hospital. She called ahead and when I gave the nurse in Admitting my name, a guard came and brought me to a small room in the back with padded walls. The guard stood outside while I was interviewed by a psychiatrist in the hospital. I was admitted that very night and stayed a few months.
While I was in the psychiatric ward, I began to realize there was a spiritual aspect to all I was going through. The hospital had a chapel, and every time I walked near it, the voices would scream. That’s when I realized I needed the God I once had known as a child. I cried out to God for relief, for some sort of silence. I did not know God the way I wanted to, so I started taking Christian courses such as Alpha, so I could learn more about Him. In one of these courses, I had my first powerful experience with God. The voices in my head were ramping up louder, making it very difficult to pay attention. I closed my eyes, and asked God to send His peace. At that moment, I heard the most powerful SSSHHHH I have ever heard, before or since. Peace came to me for the first time in 8 years. The voices had been silenced! I could pay attention to the lesson, and proceeded to learn about God’s grace.
My mom helped me through all this as much as she was able. It really began to help when she let the Holy Spirit lead her. Things had gotten bad again, and the voices in my head for all those years began talking through me. Most people were afraid and would not continue to be around me. Not my mom. She was brave and continued to fight the battle.
Once I became well enough, I moved out on my own. I forced myself to go to church as often as possible. The voices did not like church. I kept attending, regardless of what was going on inside my head. I knew in my heart who God was.
One day at church I was having an especially bad day with psychosis. I could not even hear what the pastor was talking about, but still felt led to be there. As I sat in my pew, the voices told me to set fire to the hair of the lady in front of me, all because her hair was messy, like usual I did not act on what they were saying. Then, the pastor asked if any one needed to be prayed over, and I raised my hand.
People surrounded me and laid their hands on me. They began to pray not one of them knowing what I was fighting within. As they prayed, I felt the darkness get pulled out of me. It was as if a kind of deep-rooted weed being was torn out through my forehead. I could feel the roots of my deepest being exercised. As soon as they were finished praying, I felt that the peace and quiet I had longed for so long had arrived. I was free and fully aware of my God. He healed me in an instant from an illness the doctors said I would have to live with for the rest of my life! I continue to live in that freedom, and I am grateful every day for God’s grace.
God is greater than schizophrenia and any condition or label. I focus on Him, and I am able to find His voice and peace. I wanted to share this to let all of you going through a battle others can’t see; that God sees it, and He can redeem it for his Glory. Put as much focus as you can on God, even if it is just being in His presence or with His people, for God just wants to love us and be loved.

Carrier Of Weight For Purpose

Peter and Judas’ big sins are sometimes misunderstood in scripture. To be sure, both would have had heavy hearts. To most people, Judas got what he deserved in his intense pain and guilt. But, if you appreciate who Peter was and how much he loved Jesus, he would have given his life for Jesus, as he proved later. It was predestined by God that he would deny Jesus 3 times. While he did not know it, The Father had a purpose through these sad events.

Judas had a divine task as well. His was to betray Jesus, to hand him over to the Pharisees. Neither man’s actions were what one might call holy, yet each served God’s greater design.

If you look beyond comparisons of who had the bigger hurt, or whose betrayal was more significant, you may see the plan God had in mind. Look at how each disciple dealt with their deeds. Peter’s suffering pulled him away from others. Judas did the same, however he focused exclusively on his guilt. This gave the enemy a foothold and eventually led to Judas taking his own life. Peter, while he withdrew, probably used this time to reflect on the love of Jesus. When Jesus rose again, he came to talk to Peter and offered him forgiveness. Peter accepted, was forgiven, and set free from his conviction. guilt. Jesus’ love set him free.

I believe Judas was forgiven also, as what he did was needed for Jesus to be crucified and rise again. When you are in deep pain, where do you focus? Do you see the only loveless guilt and pain? Or do you see all that has been provided by God’s divine love and grace?

In my own life and its tribulations, many wonder and ask how I stay in a good head space. God is my answer, He enables me to calm amongst the whirlwind surrounding me. Note, this is not because it does not affect me, rather it is because my struggles are small, compared to the love and provision God provides.

I know God has a reason for everything we, and I, go through. As long as I keep this in focus, I have strength to continue on. I am one of the few that had their life complicated by the Covid vaccines. The reason I am ok with this is that my life here on earth is not mine, but His. I live for God, as He gave His Son for me. I feel for Peter and Judas as they both had immensely difficult lives. Keep your focus, friends, on what truly matters, for His purposes and support will get you through dark times.

Always Look Upwards

I have a condition called Functional Neurological Disorder (FND). This condition is useful, because it has shown me where the body of Christ is at the moment. As parts of the body of Christ, we are to act as one to do His bidding and show the world His love.

With FND some days walking is very difficult or near impossible. Other days, my speech is broken and hard to understand. Sometimes I cannot think through simple tasks. As with our earthly bodies, if the church does not function properly, it makes it very challenging for other believers to complete the missions given to them.

If you are a see-er, then see, test, and send forth the word to the individual the Holy Spirit tells you to. If you are able and see a need, help. Call out the wolves, using scripture and with a witness present, to save our youth. Keep the church strong by including all and teaching those who have not discovered their gift(s) yet.

God is in us all and with us all. This is the good news: He has made a path for each step he asks of you. Our Lord will guide you down the road He asked you to walk. Sometimes, these paths lead to still water, other times they lead to times of trouble. Trouble is an opportunity for us to learn or to help others.

However, there are times troubles are a sign we have strayed from the path. God wants to lead you back to still water, (Psalm 23). He is the Good Shepherd. Humble yourself and let Him lead you. Do not fall for worldly luxuries, there is an eternity of bliss in Heaven ahead of you.

Now is the time for His love and works to flow through you, His hands and feet. As a believer, trials will arise, you will experience hardship. Even Satan believes in God. Satan is only concerned with his own purpose, which is destruction.

My suffering here on earth is only in the temporary body granted to me. This body is for me to serve God in any way I can. If you survived something you should not have, you were given another chance to carry on God’s mission of love.

            Learn from the Gospels, learn the Old Testament. The Bible tells us why we need Jesus. Jesus did not just take our sins on the cross, He gave us the only way to reconnect with God! It is through this sacrifice we are again able to talk with God, our Father. No need for a priest or a sacrificial lamb, just pray to your Father.  If you do not know Him and want to, repeat this prayer: “Lord God, I admit I am a sinner. I admit I am unable to keep from falling to my own desires. I ask Lord that you forgive me, a sinner. I believe in your Son, Jesus Christ, and that He took human form to die on the cross for my sins. I ask that you enter my person, give me the Holy Spirit, and change my life. Father, I offer my life, my thoughts, words, and deeds, that You may you do with them as You will. Wash me Lord with the blood of your Son, Jesus. Make me anew in Your image.”
            After this prayer, God will be with and for you. No one is strong enough to deny sin on their own. Even God’s chosen people, Israel, were/are unable to deny resist their sinful ways. God knows this and made a way through His son Jesus to redemption; Jesus is not just one of many ways to heaven, He is the only way.

 

 

Editing done by Joshua wiebe 

Heard From God Latley?

If you find yourself having trouble hearing God, may I ask if you have taken the time to be with God, have you kept up your side of the relationship? Are you consistently praying prayers of gratitude? There are times it seems God is silent. God is not silent, rather we have become caught up in realms outside Him.

We become dependent on ourselves, our own abilities and approaches. We leave Him on the back burner and attempt to move forward using our own strength. The power of God lies not in what we are able to do without help, but instead in what He does through us. It is easy to be distracted by life events and how well we do in the moment, but allow me to remind you, brothers and sisters, God accomplishes through us infinitely more than we do alone.

When we stray or act in life without approaching God, He steps back and waits until we realize He is the source of our strengths and abilities. While we were children, our parents taught us to ride a bike by holding onto the seat until we were able to ride independently; they held us up and provided the bicycle and instructions.

Expand this concept to believers becoming ready to engage with life circumstances and conflict. God remains our provider and protector. Recently, I lost both abilities and strength in many different areas. With no income or way to earn a living, God provided until I was able to receive aid.

My wife and I both know and appreciate that God comes first. We have a motto, “GMC.” GMC stands for God, Mike & Cathy. God will always come before us. Beginning in our dating life, we instituted a strict policy that God would take precedence in our lives individually and as a team. Without God we are nothing, but with Him we can be all He designed us to be.

ANGELS AND MEN

The works and world of angels is of no concern for me. However, the works and world of men is of concern. Do not let yourself get caught up in a battle that is outside your purview. The angels are God’s to watch over. The world of menis our charge to bring to God in prayer. Angels may be used as a distraction to draw the battle you are waging to an area you cannot handle.

I heard a story of a church; in this church, there was a man who had a vision of a skirmish of angels above, and all around. This man, without taking time to ask God the purpose of his vision, told his pastor. The pastor then, without asking God, placed it upon his church to pray for this angelic battle. Through this prayer, the church had entered into a battle they were in no way prepared for. The entire congregation came under attack from an evil that was beyond what they could handle. They had placed themselves in a battle that was not meant for them.

We know there is evil and good all around. It should only be through discernment that we enter warfare. While we see struggles all around, we should pray for knowledge of which situation to contribute to. In my opinion, the spiritual realm is not for us to enter unless God has told us to. I have seen so many people enter spiritual battles without proper preparation or hesitation. It holds true that if we would not enter a worldly battle without proper weapons or protection, we should not engage in spiritual warfare when we are not prepared.  

Why is it easier for humans to enter into battles in a realm we have little knowledge of? I believe it is chasing the dream of being bigger than we are. In truth, a man will never grow until he realizes how small he is. We are infinitesimal specs in the infinite creation of God. God should and will always be, first.

God is our protection and strength. Alone, in our weakness, is where we will fall. Serving God means asking and relying on God for guidance in any conflict He has not already prepared us for. As in a home repair, you wouldn’t work on that which you feel unsafe or ignorant of. A foolish man is one who puts a hole in his roof and throws a dryer vent through and expects it to work for a wood stove. The fool puts his house and life in danger by doing a job he knows little about. He knew he needed a pipe to carry the smoke out, but had no idea about roof patching or the proper piping. He does not appreciate the danger until it is too late. Though his intentions were good – the betterment of his home – his lack of wisdom has placed him in a dangerous situation. In all situations where you lack knowledge, always pray for discernment about whether God has prepared you, or placed you in this situation for a reason.

Amazing God

God does not look at our life in moments. God looks at the big picture, with the end goal in mind. A rat in a maze looks at the wall and passages and tries to navigate his immediate surroundings. Our perspective is the same as the rat in the maze, but God views our journey from above. Though we get frustrated as we hit yet another dead end, God sees our struggle and will guide us back to the right corridor. When we reach the end of this maze of life we are in, Jesus will be standing at the exit with His arms wide open, ready to welcome us home. He will be happy we kept looking to Him for the guidance to get through!

My Father Can Be Yours

You know what the cool thing about having God as a father is? Instead of bragging how “my dad can beat up your dad,” we as Christians can say our father defeated Satan. Even cooler yet is that He can be your Father as well. The choice is truly yours. The fact we can expand our family, well that is powerful! Personally, I want the largest family possible. The adoption papers are already filled out, He just needs you to accept you are a sinner and believe in His grace. You need only to express this and say yes to Jesus taking residence in your heart and life. That finalizes the adoption and you are in the family! The only thing left is to live by the family book, the Holy Bible, and follow the example set by Jesus.

Gods View

God does not look at our life in moments. God looks in widescreen, at the big picture, with the end in mind. A rat in a maze looks at the wall and passages immediately in front of them and tries to navigate through with partial information. If we were to watch that rat, we would see every time it fails until, finally, it makes it through. This is how God sees our journey, though we get frustrated as we hit yet another wall, The Good Shepherd guides us back to the right corridor. When we reach the end of this maze, this life, Jesus will stand at the exit with His arms wide open and ready to say “Well done!” He will be happy if we keep looking to Him for the guidance to get through.

Tunnels

If you feel like no one cares, may I ask if you have told others how you feel? If you hold mental pain inside it can take hold and dominate your life. I urge you, whoever you are, to call out, someone will listen, someone cares. You are never alone, though you may feel lonely. Do not let the lie that no one cares find a way to your heart. Earthly people can not hear the torment inside your head or heart unless you cry out.
Going through a tunnel means you must go through the dark to reach the light on the other side. Faith is knowing God will get you out. Faith is trusting that the tunnel will not collapse around you. When you entered the tunnel, you knew there was an opposite side, and as we find ourselves in dark times, we must trust that we will not be destroyed and that God will see us through. Depending on your view, two truths are available: Life, or God will teach you a lesson, who are you looking to for answers?

Amidst The Waves

Covid has thrown life as we knew it into turmoil. Like Peter stepping out of the boat, if our eyes are on the waves, we fall victim to the storm. If our eyes are focused on Jesus we will stay above the water. It’s not that the waves have subsided, but rather that we can overcome them with Christ. The boat represents the way we were doing things, where we feel we are safe but are still tossed about. Conquering the waves is the new way, the way of stepping out to follow Jesus. The world wants us to believe things will go back to “normal.” God wants us to look to Him for a new direction. If we look to humanity, we will get human, worldly answers.