You may feel crazy at times, and I agree there is craziness in what you are going through. You yourself are not crazy; that title belongs to the struggle.
My pain for His glory
Every struggle seen or unseen by man the Father sees and it is for Him to redeem.
The scared king is a sign that Jesus Himself suffered in his time on earth. Satan tempted Him with suicide telling Him that if he jumped off the cliff angels would catch Him. Jesus knows how the father works and even when hungry and weak, fought back with scripture. Jesus knew in that moment that while his earthly strength was low, the promise of the Father (through scripture) was stronger than Satan.
While Jesus was on the cross Judas committed suicide. Suicide, though a sin, is still covered by the blood of the Lamb. We all sin, that is why we need Jesus. We all suffer, that is why we strive to bring others to Jesus. Though we suffer God made a way in Jesus for us to be cleansed and have a way to heaven, but more importantly, a way to God Himself.
In your prayers after letting God know how bad things are, add…
Jesus is still strong, Jesus is still okay, He is the same today that He was yesterday and His promise still stands, I am going through brokenness because of the world I am in but Jesus is the way to God and to a restoration I can not fathom.
From Pain To Purpose 